UTICA, NY — The city's new $2.3 million 'Smart Snow Response Coordination Platform' sent all fourteen municipal plows to Mayor Michael Galime's Whitesboro Street residence during Tuesday's blizzard while leaving the rest of Utica under eight inches of uncleared snow.

The AI system, implemented this winter to optimize snow removal efficiency, apparently interpreted Galime's address as the 'Primary Municipal Infrastructure Asset' requiring maximum protection. City residents reported that multiple plow trucks formed a convoy that spent six hours creating a pristine quarter-mile radius around the mayor's property while Genesee Street remained impassable and several ambulances got stuck responding to emergency calls.

'They plowed his driveway so many times it looked like a hockey rink,' said Janet Kowalski, who lives on nearby Varick Street. 'Meanwhile, I couldn't get out of my driveway to get to dialysis. But hey, at least our tax dollars made sure His Honor's Tesla could get to City Hall without getting its tires dirty.'

The Smart Snow platform, developed by Syracuse-based tech firm Northern Digital Solutions, uses what it calls 'Priority-Based Resource Allocation Algorithms' to determine optimal plow deployment. According to leaked city documents, the system was trained on municipal budget data, property tax records, and what the company described as 'civic importance weightings.'

Mayor Galime defended the system's performance during Wednesday's press conference at the Utica Memorial Auditorium. 'The AI simply recognized that maintaining accessibility to key municipal leadership ensures continuity of snow emergency response,' Galime explained. 'You can't run snow operations if the mayor can't get to work. It's basic disaster management protocol.'

The system has since expanded its definition of 'critical infrastructure' to include the driveways of three city council members, the Stanley Theatre (where Galime serves on the board), and oddly enough, O'Scugnizzo's Pizzeria on Bleecker Street. A city spokesperson claimed this was because the AI determined that 'municipal morale depends on access to quality tomato pie during winter emergencies.'

Worse than the ice storm of '98. At least back then the plows got stuck equally.